The ZAGR Motto
by UxieSweetie
Summary: We don't have to like it, but the Dib-Stink must hate it.  Inspired by a fanart on DA.  ZaGr / Zaz -Swearing and POSSIBLY sexual themes in later chapters-
1. Chapter 1

**_AN- This was inspired by a picture on DeviantART (I will post a link on my profile) and (though I DESPISE ZaGr) I had an epic fanfic idea and this here chapter popped up! =D_**

**_~UxieSweetie_**

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Chapter 1

**Zim's POV**

It was a repulsive thing, this thing the humans called 'love.' We Irkens didn't have such thing. That had all been diminished and destroyed when the Smeet Centers were created. No love. No relationships. And I grew up without it. And these...these...HYUUMANS think that this stupid...er...what was I doing? OH YES! They think this stupid holiday of LOVE can change me? The infamous ZIM? HA! Ridiculous! I scoffed as I sat in my seat at the Hi Skool. We apparently were going to have a competition with another school about who had the most 'Valentine Spirit' or something to that extent.

"We've never done something like this before so it's going to be strange." The teacher-human explained. "You are going to be partnering up with ONE other student in the school. One of the opposite gender preferably. You will all give presentations about Valentine's Day, Saint Valentine, or anything that even might be related to the holiday. It doesn't matter which class or grade they're in, but find a partner."

"HA!" I snapped. "The Zim has no want to be a part of this 'love' game!" The teacher gave me a you're-doing-it-anyways look. I sighed but obeyed. I wouldn't survive this damned place unless.

"Alright, go find a partner...NOW!" Everyone stood from their seats and wandered around the school as others erupted from the doors of their own rooms. I yawned as Gretchen came up to me.

She blinked and smiled. She still had braces but she didn't look as...stupid. "Wanna work with me Zim?" I blinked and leaned back a little.  
"Uh...no."

"Y-you sure?"

"Yes. Zim is sure. Now, uh, go away." She nodded and left with a very pitiful sad face. I stood there and scanned the crowd of teenagers. They sucked.

Little by little, the crowd got smaller. I didn't think much of it until I realized that I did not yet have a partner. I looked up and found Dib's sister, Gaz, leaning against another wall. She didn't have a partner either. 'Oh damn!' I quickly tried finding another girl that wasn't her. As fast as I looked, they were being taken. Then I saw another head of purple hair. "Gretchen!" I called. She looked up and glared as she took the hand of another boy. I glowered at her and she held up her middle finger. And that was that. Gaz was the only available girl in this school. I gritted my teeth. The principal came up to me and beckoned Gaz as well. We stared up at him.

"You two are the only ones left." I know. "You will have to be each other's partners."

"WHAT! Absolutely NOT!" Gaz snapped. I agreed. To be perfectly honest, she scared the living hell out of me! "I refuse! His voice makes me...sick!"

I looked over. "Yours isn't that fantastic either!"

"Shut up before I rip your voice box out!"

"Over my dead squeedily-spooch!"

"It's 'body' you moron!"

"Hey!" The principal snapped. "Enough fighting! I can tell there's going to be some tension, but hey, if we can nominate the best 'couple' and beat the other school in the presentation, then our best 'couple' will get a brand new Game Slave 3." Gaz's eyes widened and she gripped my wrists.

"ZIM! You have to help me win!" I began to shake my head but she grabbed my collar and held me close. "You WILL help me win!" She scared me.

I nodded. "O-ok, Gaz..." I trembled as she let me go.

"Good." She smiled.

"Great! Everyone has a partner! Now, uh, go back to class..." We nodded and I gratefully went back to my seat. I sighed and closed my eyes...well at least until someone grabbed my face.

My eyes shot open and I was face to face with the Dib-Thing. "Stay AWAY from my sister, ZIM!"

I glowered and replied through gritted teeth, "I didn't exactly PLAN it Dib-Shit! We were the only ones left!" I swatted him away. "Like I'd ever choose her anyways." He glared, jabbed a finger at me, then took his seat. Sighing once more, I closed my eyes again and didn't pay attention to the rest of the class.

I walked home calmly and alone...well at least I tried. "Hey!" Gaz shouted as she stood in front of me abruptly. I jumped back.

"Hello."

"We need to work on that project! I'm going to get that Game Slave and I'm going to make SURE of it!" She grabbed my collar again. "You're coming to my house Zim."

"B-but..."

She glared at me. "I will not REST! Until I get that Game Slave!" I nodded and followed her silently. Damn she was scary.


	2. Chapter 2

**_AN- Sigh...Heres the next chapter! =D (yay)_**

**_~UxieSweetie_**

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Chapter 2

**Gaz's POV**

Dib nearly shit bricks when I brought Zim into the house. "WHAT THE HELL GAZ?" He shouted.

"I'm going to win that Game Slave Dib. And I'm making...MAKING...Zim help me."

"What did I say about my sister this morning ZIM?" Dib snapped.

Zim glared and spat back, "It's not like I CHOSE to do this DIB"

"Oh, so it was just coincidental that you get paired with my sister and walked into the house of your enemy?"

Zim blinked. "Yes." Dib was about to have a brain hemorrhage so I grabbed Zim's collar and dragged him into my room so we could start on the project.

"Now." I started. "What do you know about anything that has to do with Valentines?" I crossed my arms and waited for him to reply. He thought for what felt like forever. I guess that's what you get when you have an alien thinking about human stuff.

"I know that it's a day where hyuumans get all lovey and squishy. That's it."

"That's it? They don't have Valentine's on your planet?"

"HA! No! We Irkens do not succumb to such emotions as 'love.' It is a distraction to work therefore unnecessary. It has been nearly beaten out of our culture."

I tilted my head. "No love?"

"Nope. Well, we can love some things, like galactic conquest and invasions. But that's it." He smiled. That was weird. No wonder he was fucked in the head. I sighed, shook my head, and wondered how this was going to work. He didn't know about love and I didn't like expressing it. 'Well this sucks.' I huffed.

"Ok Zim." I took my laptop and handed it to him. "Get online and research whatever you can about love. Educate yourself. I'll work on not killing you and figuring out what kind of presentation we should do." Zim nodded an began silently typing on the computer. I stretched and sat on the floor, and Zim did as well. I glanced over at him and his horrible green-ness and I took off his wig.

"AH! What are you doing?" He screeched, trying to get it back.

"We know you're an alien. So stop being stupid and take out the contacts." He gave me a scowl but I only tossed the wig to the other side of the room. "There." I smirked as he steamed but I ignored him.

He shook his head and continued the research on the laptop. "Stupid hyuuman." He muttered. I kept my blank expression.

Two hours into this, we were - well I was - getting absolutely nowhere. Zim didn't seem at all interested in the subject of love, as he kept yawning and clicking the mouse every so often. I sprawled out on the floor and sighed. "I'm bored."

"I'm sorry." Zim mumbled.

"Entertain me."

"Zim entertains no one."

"Ziiiim." I whined.

He looked up from the screen. "No."

"ZIM!"

"If you are bored, Hyuuman, then look this up your damn self!" He snapped, handing me the laptop. I glared, but nodded. He sighed and flopped on his stomach on the floor. "Love is too gooey."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"It's so...so...well I do not know, but it is NOT something I would like to partake in."

I nodded again. "It's so sticky and gooey and emotional. It's..."

"Sickening." We both chimed simultaneously, and after that we stared at each other and laughed. "Well it's nice to know someone else hates the squish as much as me." I said. He nodded.

"Every other human seems to want love. I have no desire."

"It makes you vulnerable." I replied looking at the ground.

"Heh...yeah it does." After that we stopped talking for another half hour before Zim stood to leave. "I must be off. Who knows what GIR did to my house."

"Ok." I said and he left my room, his wig in hand, and eventually the house.

I yawned and turned off the laptop, flopped on the bed, and took a nap. My dreams, as usual, were dark and black, the way I liked them. Skulls and crossbones, blood, and a lot of piggies. I was happy and content...well, at least until I woke up.

Dib's face was right in front of mine and I jumped back. "HOLY SHIT DIB! Don't DO that!" I snapped angrily.

He crossed his arms. "Why was Zim here so long?"

"The project."

"Two and a half hours, Gaz. That's a long time for my WORST ENEMY to be in my house." He glared.

I glared back. "Why do you have to have a head?" I scoffed and stood up from the bed. Dib grumbled and left my room.

"Dinner's ready." He called. Good, I was starving.


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN- Here's the next chapter! If there's anything I can improve on, let me know! =D And I want you to let you know I ALWAYS read the reviews! And I appreciate them! (Even if you don't get a reply, I still read them) =D_**

**_~UxieSweetie_**

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Chapter 3

**Zim's POV**

I entered my house eagerly. GIR sat on the couch sucking at an iced drink of some type. He glanced over at me and smiled. "HI MASTER!" I flopped on the couch next to him and yawned.

"Hello GIR." I replied.

"I has a ice sucky!" He squeaked. I rolled my eyes and took out my contacts and tossed them aside. My wig soon followed, and I scratched the hell out of my antennae. That wig...so itchy. "Does Master have an itchy heeaaadd?"

"Not anymore GIR. Now, I am going downstairs to call the Tallest. Do not disturb me!" I said as I crawled into the toilet-elevator. "Let's see. If I can study this 'love' emotion more, I might be able to get the advantage on the hyuumans and destroy them from the inside out. HAHA! I might even be able to make them destroy each other. HA! Zim is a GENIUS!" I stepped out of the elevator once I reached the bottom floor and I walked to the computer screen. "Computer! Call my Tallest!" I commanded.

The image of the two Tallest appeared on the screen. "What Zim?" Tallest Red asked.

"We're in the middle of eating." Tallest Purple replied. I smiled.

"My Tallest, I figured out a plan to destroy the humans that will be quite inexpensive on our part." They blinked. "You see, at the end of the week, there is a human holiday called Valentine's Day. It's a holiday to express human love for each other."

"Whoa whoa WHOA!" Red interrupted. "LOVE? Humans still practice love? That's so...so..."

"Old!" Purple exclaimed.

I nodded. "I agree my Tallest. My plan is simple. Once I learn more about this 'love,' I shall pit the humans' own emotion against them and have them destroy each other rather than have the Armada come in! It saves you money!"

"That is a good idea. But how, Zim, will you start it? I mean, it's a complicated emotion and your plan could backfire. Really easy." Explained Red. I shrugged.

"I figured one of the Earth females could assist me. We're already required to work together on a Valentine-y project. I could somehow use her. And then I shall pit her against that DIB Thing...hehe...hehehe...hehe..." The Tallest blinked a few times before glaring and shutting off the transmission. I laughed loudly in the lair as I mapped out my plan...yes it would be ultimate. Ultimate...HAHA!

Oh it would be so good. The humans wouldn't even know what hit them. They would be too blinded by hate to realize that it was their own selves killing each other. INGENIOUS!

The next morning, I walked to Hi Skool and took my seat on my first class. Dib walked in and stared angrily at me. For some reason, I had that kid in all my classes. Even when he took his seat across the room, he stared at me. All day. In every class. He even followed me home. "Why are you following me?" I snapped.

He crossed his arms. "What are these rumors about you..."

"ZIM!" Gaz called. She ran up next to Dib. "You're coming back to the house for the project."

"Anyway," Dib continued, "what are these rumors I hear about you and my sister dating?" Gaz and I stood there silently and shocked. "Because you know, Zim...if you were dating my sister, I'd be pissed." Lightbulb.

Apparently Gaz's mind was working o the same wavelength because we both smirked at each other and nodded. Oh this was going to be fun.

"Yes, Dib-Thing. We are in fact in a couple-ey relationship of the love." I exclaimed, and then in a low voice, I said, "Why do you ask?"

"NO! No, this...this...NO!" He screeched. Gaz chuckled.

"Yeah, Dib. We're, uh, dating." Gaz smiled. Dib nearly had a heart attack.

There's really nothing in the world than watching Dib come unglued at the mere thought of his sister and I in the relationship of that disgusting emotion, love. Heh, it was funny, especially when it was just Gaz and I in her room, he kept walking by...although it was a bit creepy aft a while.

Gaz scribbled in a notebook while I learned more about this love thing. "How's it goin'?" She asked.

"Ehh, could be better. Wait...WAIT! I found something! What is this..." I stumbled over the pronunciation of the word. "m-mar-riage?" Gaz tilted her head.

"You don't know what marriage is?"

"No."

She crossed her legs. "Marriage on this planet is a commitment between two people who love each other, and they are theirs forever...or at least until they divorce."

"Theirs? You mean, they own each other?"

"No, no. I mean that they are lovers. They're loyal only to the other person." Oh, that made sense. It was a very monogamous ritual...I see.

I inhaled. "So, they never mate with another being as long as they're in the 'marriage?'"

"Well, sometimes they cheat."

"Eh?"

"Cheating is being in a committed relationship and still being promiscuous. It's frowned upon." Ooh, so YES this WAS monogamous. Hehe, I could most definitely use this to my advantage. "Oh, and by the way, Zim. We're NOT dating."

"That's fine by me." I replied. "I just want the Dib to have a brain hemorrhage." She laughed.

"You and me both."

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_**AN- I AM SOOO SLEEPY! *sigh***_

_**~UxieS.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_AN- Well this chapter is shorter than the others (and late) but I finally got it finished! =D _**

**_NOTE- There's a reference to an old WW2 picture (the Unknown Couple) and I'll put a link to it on my page so that if you don't know what it looks like you can see it! XD_**

**_~UxieSweetie_**

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Chapter 4

**G****az's POV**

Zim had told me this exuberant plan for the Valentine's project. Well, somewhat if a plan. In his lab he said he'd make a giant metal sculpture of two lovers. Well, I wasn't that faithful in his metalwork but I decided to see what it might look like. "I shall get the blueprints finished tonight and show you tomorrow." He said eccentrically. I nodded.

"Well I want to make sure it's awesome!" I replied.

"Oh it shall be the awe of some, I say." I nodded again.

"Good."

Zim stood and picked up his things. "'Tis time for Zim to return home. I will see you tomorrow at the school." I shrugged.

"Ok." He began to leave. "But remember. We're supposed to be acting like a couple."

"How?"

"Look it up. Well no...I'll just tell you as we go along." He nodded. "Ok, you can go now." After he was gone I sighed and took out my Game Slave 2. I'd beaten it over twenty times but I still was addicted. Walking downstairs, Dib came up to me and crossed his arms.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Did you dump him?"

I looked up from the screen. "Why would I?"

"Because he's an ALIEN GAZ! That doesn't even BEGIN to cut into the list of why you should dump him! I mean, an alien...that's like bestiality! I mean, he's NOT human! And he's ALIVE so he can't even by categorized as..."

I huffed and went into the kitchen to get a soda. "Well it's my business Dib. Now shut up and go watch your tentacle porn." I walked out of the kitchen. Dib stood there for a minute and registered what I said.

"STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!" I chuckled and sipped my soda. He didn't even know I was kidding.

I woke up groggily the next day. I was angry. Sleep is good. I absently gathered my things and began walking to school. Dib caught up with me and babbled on about some ghost show last night. I ignored him.

I walked into my class and sat down, putting my head against the desk and shutting my eyes. I opened then after a brief moment and saw two orange eyes gazing at me only a few inches away from my face. Startled, I jumped back and swung a punch at the whatever in front of me. "OW!" Dib shouted as he stumbled backward.

"What do you want Dib?" I asked irritatedly. He was kinda getting on my nerves at that point.

He adjusted his glasses and rubbed the red mark on his face. "Just wanted to know what you two were doing for the project. Sheesh!"

"A statue. Zim's making it I guess." I shrugged.

"Ok. Just making sure. NOTHING pornographic?"

"Dib he's an Irken! I bet he doesn't even know what porn is! Leave me alone!" He nodded and walked out of the classroom right as Zim walked in.

He came up to me eagerly. "Gaaazzzz! I have a surprise for you!" I followed him outside to the back of the skool. There was something about eight feet tall covered in a white tattered sheet. "I worked on it all night!" He gripped the sheet and pulled the sheet from the thing.

I was stunned. No, like completely and utterly stunned. There, before me, was an eight foot tall chrome statue of me in a ball-gown type outfit and Zim (in his human disguise of course) is a suit. It appeared as if he made is pose as the World War II couple. It was very sweet, actually. It was perfect in every way. I took a step back. "That's...that's amazing Zim!" I gasped.

"We Irkens strive for perfection. I felt this was a perfect piece for this romantic holiday. I did heavy research about love. And I found this image of that, what is it? Unknown War of World 2 couple?"

"World War 2. Yeah. Up until recently no one had any idea who this couple was. And you turned us into them...it's gorgeous!" I gasped again. He smiled proudly.

"It is, isn't it?"

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_*Incoming Transmittion...* GIR- Hello there! The person UxieSweeeeetie is currently unavailable! She got tired and went to go take a nap! And I gopt hungry and took her cookies! *nom* so she wanted me to leeaave yooouuu a meeesssssage! She will be back to do the typey thingy shortly! Her weekend thingy is full with docctor appointments and orthodontiiiiiist appointments so be patient! BYE! *transmittion cuts out*_


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